The Ways Our Babies Bless Us

Told by: Carissa

My due date was scheduled for November 30, but my specialist ended up wanting me to deliver at 37 weeks because of the previous stillbirth with having no cause to that they wanted to get him here.  So to deliver early they wanted to perform an amniocentesis to make sure his lungs were matured enough before induction.

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On Monday morning the 11th I went in to have the amnio done and I was to wait for results; if they came back positive I was being induced. So they performed the amnio and it was a fail; they could not get a sample and after 3 tries they stopped.  My fluid was low and Little Bit moved a lot.  So the doctor said it’s fine let’s just go ahead plus he had noticed my fluid being low he didn’t want to send me home like that anyway.
Induction started; I went in with an all natural birth plan , just pain meds I didn’t want an epidural. Due to my previous birth during the stillbirth I received an epidural and did not like the after affects I suffered, spinal headaches and ended up back at the hospital, no fun. So this round I didn’t want that.
So Tuesday came and contractions built up more, at 5 1/2 almost 6 cm dialated, I ended up giving in and received the epidural in tears at that moment because I failed my plan but realized he was coming and I just want to relax at this point.
After getting the epidural, contractions rising more I realized I felt the same before the epidural , I was feeling my contractions and the epidural was not working.
Lying there hurting and the thought that I gave into somthing I really didn’t want and it wasnt working.

At this point I’m angry upset crying because of that.
While all of this is going on Little One’s heart beat was irregular, so we were already watching that and my nerves were on edge, so bad I had to be put on oxygen to calm down and get the baby more oxygen.
The more I contracted and dilated his heart rate dropped then jumped up.  At this point we have all the residents and specialists glued to the monitors to see if an emergency c section needed to happen. (mind you we weren’t at out local hospital, I was scheduled at another hospital so my baby and I would be near specialists).
After the wait, they rushed in and said we were going to go ahead and do it. I think I immediately went into a silent panic and at that point said I didn’t come this far to leave the hospital without a baby this time I was willing to give him my last breath if that is what it took.
It all happen so fast from my room to the OR.

Our sweet miracle rainbow baby was born Tuesday 11-12-13 at 11:50a perfectly healthy and a perfect regular heart beat at 6lbs and 6.2 ounces .
I said I would do it all over again and I would and I will.

HE IS HERE!

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My husband and I are so thankful for what God has restored in our life. Our first born, ended in a tragedy but also allowed us to see joy and thankful for a sweet living angel in heaven to look down on his little brother and protect him. Our first born has brought our family closer and stronger and allowed us to be better and great parents before we were given the gift of his little brother, our rainbow baby Jayden Samuel Hunter.
After our loss last year this same time, I continued to pray the prayer of Hannah in the bible who couldn’t conceive children, but one day cried at the well and asked God to bless her with a son and that his life would be given back totally committed to the works of God and that son was Samuel the king the prophet.
That was special and that’s why we named our rainbow baby Jayden Samuel Hunter. Our king! Our God given prayer. He restores, and is miraculous in the most wonderful ways we can’t even fathom at times.

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I love love love our stillbirthday.info family and wanted someone to know that even in a storm or loss comes great joy and happiness at the end. Hold on and don’t stop believing , it is possible I promise! Our family is living example if it ,my son Jayden is a living example, a beautiful rainbow from all of the storms we faced. Our treasure, our gift.

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A Full Moon & A Rainbow

Told by: Anne

I was almost 42wks (43 by our calendar – which my O.B. viewed more accurate) then we had a NST and Felix base HR stayed low and my midwife said if I was 4cm when she checked me she’d take me down to break my water. I was 1cm and my cervix was really posterior so she debated what to do because they didn’t want to induce and knew I didn’t either. She kindly looked at me and said “go home to whatever natural things you can to go into labor by this weekend.”

We got red raspberry tea, pulsitilla, pineapple, I was walking like a maniac, got a chiropractic adjustment, and called my acupuncturist – he couldn’t get me in that night but could Friday so if I wasn’t having steady contractions to call him. With hours of all of this into the night I didn’t even have a contraction (I had been having off and on pretty hard for a little over a week but not that night)! So Friday morning we called and headed to the acupuncturist and got there about 1:30. He was so great and was like “let’s get this baby out!” We left about 3 and by 4 I was having some hard contractions; I didn’t think I could sit in the car for the ride home. My hubs was like “Oh these are definitely the realy thing!”

By 5pm I was soaking in the tub (at my parents- big jacuzzi) and pretty much stayed there. They were really long and intense. I got out around 9 cause I felt the need to walk. Our 3yr old was funny watching me have contractions (at one point I was a bit louder then I thought and he jumped on the bed yelling “Daddy, Minimaw, Oh no Momma’s DYING!!”

We all laughed and explained I wasn’t then I decided to get back in the tub. My contractions started to space out again to 10min apart. I was so bummed and my hubs decided to make sure our house was tidy so he ran home. Within 30 min I was calling him to come back my contractions were 5min apart and I didn’t feel I could handle alone. Called my SBD affiliated doula and once my husband was back we got ready and headed to the hospital.

Full moon night and triage was almost full,  the birthing center rooms were, the regular floor almost was and they had one birth tub left. Our nurse told us that they called in a whole 1/2 shift of nurses for backup they had so many laboring moms and she was one of them!

As women came in the nurses greeted them with “Welcome to the Full Moon”.

She hooked me up to the EFM to make sure Felix’s HR was staying up and it was beautifully. She checked and I was 5cm and 90% effaced! WHOO HOO! She went out to do a couple things then came back and said a laboring mom was getting transferred from the birthing center so if I wanted to wait 30min they could have it all ready for me! Heck yeah I’d wait!

I labored in triage which was more amusing then anything but I could tell that my contractions were getting closer. My doula laughingly said that I was too happy and needed to get to the pain to get this boy out. Finally the nurse came back and said we could head to our room. YAY birth tub was all I was thinking! I was happy to discover it was the same room we had our firstborn in.

By the time we walked around the corner I stepped in the room and grabbed the wall with a contraction. It was so intense I couldn’t move. It stopped and we were all laughing again and discovered the birth tub hadn’t been put back together (just some pieces from the jets were soaking) so our nurse had to get a couple nurses to come put it back together so we could start it running since it took a bit and I was NEEDING that tub! She put my I.V. in – I had tested positive for Group B Strep. and stepped out again. Another contraction and I was sweating only to realize she put the I.V. in whileI still had my long sleeve shirt on so I was like crap! My hubs grandmother arrived then too (my mom had our oldest and my husbands grandmother had never been a part of a fully natural birth so she was really excited and honestly was a comic relief through it all cause she would nervously chat when it got quiet!). The 5th contraction after the I.V. I literally fell to the floor hands and knees and yelled “I gotta push!” My doula jumped up and yelled “nurse get Kat” (my awesome midwife) she flew out of there and Kat ran in threw a sheet on the floor and said “we can do it here just take your pants off and lets go!” I was like “what?!”and laughed! Kat asked why I wasn’t in the tub and we explained it wasn’t full yet. She was like “well let’s get you in and it’ll at least be more comfortable as it fills.”

She had the nurse undo my I.V. and I finally got that hot shirt off! The tub felt amazing, but I kept going back to my 1st sons birth which was 53hrs and thinking I couldn’t do these intense contraction for 9hrs like his. I kept telling everyone I wasn’t going to go through I couldn’t do it and they’d say “you are just keep going.” Kat never was able to check me so I was like “wait how far am I? Am I going to tear because I don’t know if I’m 10cm yet?” She just laughed and was so sweet. If my body was saying push it was ready.

After a few pushes in the tub my mind drifted to a very dark place ( I thought I had processed through as best I could the loss of Oliver) I instantly was going through every detail of pushing Oliver’s lifeless body out and holding our lifeless son. My heart started to feel squeezed. What if something happened while I was pushing and I push out another dead baby. Is he even still alive now? I couldn’t do this again. I officially told myself I wasn’t going to push anymore. I was done, I wasn’t going through with anymore. He would just stay inside where I had known him to be. My contractions stopped. They were 10min apart and I wasn’t pushing. I rolled myslf over to float and laid my head on the towel on the side of the tub (my husband held me) and I fell asleep. I felt so done.

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My husband said when the clock hit 13min he was about to ask me if I was alive and I jumped up and pushed with all my might. I felt this huge hit and drop and swore it was his head. After the contraction I was like “NOTHING CAME OUT” Kat laughed no honey nothing came out. I was mad, and depressed. Next contractions I pushed as hard as I could BAM his head, then again his body!! Kat said she had never seen water breaking to full baby out that fast in all her years of birthing!  I picked him up and just cried!

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They let me just sit in the tub and just hold relax and love on him! He was beautiful! The whole room was crying! I couldn’t believe I did it!  Zachary’s grandmother in the quiet “Well they sure do birth babies differently then the way they used to” We just cracked up!! Love her! Felix is such a great baby too. Nursing well and couldn’t care less about his loud and crazy brother!  He started breathing oddly and found out he has laryngomalacia which is not been fun and we are praying doesn’t get any worse, but no matter what he has already been so wonderful to have. I’ve had some emotional days wishing our family was actually all together and still feeling torn between two worlds but I don’t think I will ever lose that feeling since we will be two worlds apart until death unites us. Hope you enjoy our story and pictures!

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She Brings Light

Told by: Angie

When I was 18 I got pregnant. My husband (boyfriend then) joined the Navy so we could afford to feed baby. While he was in boot camp I lost our baby. We got married when he came back on leave and a few months later I found out I was pregnant again. By the next ultrasound the baby’s heart had stopped beating. This kept happening over the years. Once I did not even know I was pregnant. I went into the ER because of the pain and random bleeding that had started. I think I knew what was happening but I didn’t want to believe it.
April 2008 we decided to try one last time. We planned it out, tried, conceived and were thrilled. First appointment went well. Our baby was growing and I felt great. We moved to another state very quickly with the navy and when I went in for my next appointment the baby had died. I went into labor that night and delivered our little 12 week baby. We were done. Both of us sank into a despair that I thought we would not come out of.

After a few months we decided we were done with it all and started to plan our divorce. I managed to pack up all the baby things we had collected over the years and donate them. Then two months later I got pregnant again. This time it worked! I gave birth to the prettiest, toughest, most happy baby I have ever seen. She is one of a kind and the light of my life! She really is the beautiful rainbow after the storm.

After all these years I can finally let go of the sadness. Thank you for providing a place to do that.

This is my sunshine on her first day in the world and now three years later.

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Rainbow Roisin Faith

Told by: Emma

This is my daughter Roisin Faith. She was one of twins born at 26+6 after an extremely difficult pregnancy. Her brother Cillian Joseph was born sleeping after his placenta, which had been failing for quite a while, abrupted in theatre after a massive bleed. They were born on 5th April 2012 and Roisin spent 12 week in the Neo Natal Unit and is now 15 months and doing amazingly well.

Our Double Rainbow

Told by: Sara

Jason Edward and Julianna Lynn born July 4, 2013 less than 1 year after the death of their big sister (our 6th baby) on July 15, 2012 stillborn July 16, 2012.  From empty arms to arms overflowing.

She’s Found in Reflection

Told by: Monica

When we meet new people and I eventually tell them the story they seem kind of awestruck. They say ,”Wow, I can’t believe it!” and then they tell me , ” you must be a strong person to have gone through that and come out looking as happy as you are.” ….. I say to them, ” I am not strong on the inside. but, from the outside I have to be.”

In a way Shelby was a rainbow before the storm or during it. She is what brought back the light in my darkest time.   This is how she got her name.

 

We chose not to name our children after anyone we knew personally. For several reasons. The biggest reason being so that our children would have a unique name for their individuality.  My maternal grandmother was born in France. Charlize Theron is an actress with a kind of French name. I decided to change the spelling a little bit. I also wanted it to sound softer. So, I decided to change it to Charleece. Her middle name is a spin off of Raelynne. My friends daughter’s middle name.  I always wanted a little girl named Shelby after the character from Steel Magnolias played by my favorite actress none other than Julia Roberts! Shelby’s middle name was going to be Nichole. But, my husband didn’t like Nichole and so we didn’t have a middle name for her for a little while. When Charleece died we had not known exactly what one would have what name at first. So since Shelby didn’t have a middle name we chose Charleece to be her middle name. That way then Charleece would be our other twins name and she could be honored always. It turned out to be the best thing too! It was my husband’s idea to have Shelby’s middle name be Charleece. It was like it was meant to be that way. So, that we would always have her name mean something to all of us. I knew right away when he suggested that idea that that was the reason Shelby didn’t have a middle name until that point.  It wouldn’t be as meaningful if she had another middle name.

 

 

  In memory of Charleece Taelynne our sweet daughter and sister whom we will never forget, and,

to Shelby Charleece our light in the dark. May you continue to grow and be a constant source of joy and love in our lives!

Love mommy and daddy!

 

My Two Rainbows

Told by: Susan

This is my 3 year old daughter Sarah, holding her baby brother Tobias. These are my rainbow babies!

Sarah lost her twin at 17 weeks gestation. I delivered both Sarah and her twin at 41 weeks. I had been told that I most likely would not be able to see her twin. But at delivery, there they both were. In fact, they had to still cut the twins cord!! I was able to see my twins together. It provided some healing and closure for me.
Tobias was conceived 4 months after we lost his sister, Naomi Grace at 39 weeks due to a true knot in her cord. Tobias was born healthy, and breathing at 40 weeks 1 day with 2 true knots, almost on top of each other! It was surreal to know how close we came to burying another child.

 

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I am a Mother

Told by: Jess

I never thought I would be where I am in my life. I have a beautiful 11 1/2 year old daughter who I delivered at 32 weeks. She came after going into labor at 4 months from an incompetent cervix. I was 24 years old and had been married to her father for 3 years. They did not think I would make it to deliver her and offered an abortion. I knew she was mine and meant to be. So I fought.  She is perfect. When I was 17 I lost a little girl at 6 months 2 weeks.  Also before my daughter came I had had several miscarriages. I was overwhelmed with joy with the delivery of my beautiful daughter.
When I was 28 I became pregnant with my daughter Genevieve. I had a cerclage at 12 weeks.  I was in a horrible roll over car accident when I was 4 months pregnant. I walked away without a scratch but when I delivered her still born at 38 1/2 weeks I knew the umbilical cord injury was most likely caused from the accident. I was devastated.
My marriage fell apart. He thought I should snap out of it after 5 days. It’s a pain that never goes away. We divorced.
Four years ago I met the man of my dreams. He healed me and gave me permission to grieve and subsequently heal. Two years into our relationship I found out he had AIDS.  I almost lost him.  That’s an entire story in itself. He is now doing well and as healthy as can be expected after almost dying.
Our dreams were crushed. We were in love and knew children were most likely never in our cards. Well God had different plans. I thought I was depressed or maybe had mono – we always use protection. But nothing is for sure. I became pregnant last September. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was scared, thrilled, sad, and many other things.   I had the most high risk pregnancy ever. Got my cerclage,  went on massive preventative anti viral medications and found out my daughter most likely had vacterl association as she has a heart defect and a spinal defect.
To make a very long and scary story short, she has no HIV, no vacterl and her heart defect closed up.
I felt like a failure when I delivered her with a emergency c-cection after 48 hours of hard natural labor.
But I am not a failure. She is my beautiful Snow.   Born at 37 weeks she is perfect in every way. Sent from our higher power for us to raise and love.
I see my daughter Genevieve in her. She is ours. Proof that you can have life after loss. I’ve lost so much in my life. But I have been truly blessed with just as much. Nothing is impossible.  The pain from losing a child never ever goes away. But time does blunt the blow a bit. At 35 years old I never thought I would be holding a beautiful 5 week old daughter. But I am. This is just part of my story. I am strong. I am a mother.

SBD Sacred Circles

 

The Origin of Blessingways and Sacred Birth & Bereavement Circles

While the name Blessingway is becoming more widely understood to mean a kind of “baby shower of spiritual gifts rather than physical ones“, the origin traces to the Navajo tribespeople, and out of respect for their traditions (you are invited to learn more, for example, at this link), here at stillbirthday, we draw from the Blessingway term you might be familiar with, but then we point to our own name for our own interpretation of this beautiful event, coining the name Sacred Circles.  This is quite appropriate as the burning zero candle is our trademarked image.  Many of the events for our Sacred Circles are inspirations of Doran Richards of the Blessing God’s Way website and resources.

I invite you also to visit our Loved Ones  and Farewell Celebrations resources for even more suggestions in offering love to bereaved loved ones.

 

This is the first and only Blessingway specifically created to honor pregnancy, to honor the mother,

and to validate the very real life, and death, of your baby.

  • The celebration will be a time of validating the mother and her mixed and real emotions, as well as a time to celebrate her very real child, even for the very short time the child is alive – in the womb or after birth.
  • The celebration will be personal; there is no exact “one right way” to host one.

Tips to making this celebration successful for the mother:

  • A Celebrating Pregnancy Blessingway, or, Sacred Circle is a time of intimate fellowship.  The mom’s closest friends and most special people should be all who are invited.  Please keep the guest list less than about 16 people.
  • The celebration might be in an inviting and soothing location, where the mom is comfortable being.
  • It might include praying over the mother and her family as she faces the birth and death of her baby.
  • It should include personalized gifts, brought by every person attending.  These can include written scriptures, poems, or a letter, to be read aloud by the giver, to the mother, at the celebration.  Other gifts may include: a journal, an inspirational book about infant loss, a handmade baby blanket, or a bead, specially chosen for the mother, and strung into a handmade necklace that the mother can wear – during the blessingway, and during birth in a subsequent pregnancy.

 Photo belongs to the amazing Canary Lane Photography Studio and SBD doula student.

  • Consider printing out  special scriptures and quotes, on pretty paper, and use to fill the room with them.  Consider also purchasing a Certificate of Life, or inviting the mother to do so.  Collect these items at the end of the celebration, so that the mother can fill her home with these lovely, encouraging words.

  • It is important that each guest demonstrate the importance this baby has had on that individual.  It is okay to cry.  It is okay to say “I’m sorry”.  It is okay to give the mom a hug.
  • A tea candle might be lit after each gift is presented to the mother.
  • Special, personal gestures of love toward the mother should be made during this celebration, including brushing her hair, putting flowers in her hair, and washing her feet with a lovely scent (lavender perhaps) and with warm, clean water.  Touching the mother and singling her out in love is important.  It should be decided prior to the celebration who will wash the mothers feet.  This is a very personal, and very honoring, gesture.
  • A special ceremony that includes wrapping the mother’s womb, with gentle music playing, can be very honoring.  The Womb Wrap we use in our Mothers Workshop is one very long piece of simple cloth.  Each person in the circle takes turns wrapping the cloth around the mother, whispering a special mantra, encouragement or prayer to her.  The wrap is not knoted.  The cloth instead, rised and weaves and so each whispered prayer loops together, never ceasing, wrapping the mother in a continued message of love.  In our Mothers Workshops, we also include a special warmth pad and we complete this portion of the ceremony with a brightly colored and breezy rebozo that jingles and sways gently as she moves.  You can purchase this Womb Wrap to include in your Sacred Circle, and the mother can utilize it after every birth, during menstruation, and absolutely any time she needs to be wrapped in warmth and love.  You can visit our Mother Roasting page for demonstration access to use your wrap.

  • If this Sacred Circle is done during the mother’s subsequent pregnancy, it might include a special red cord tied around each attendees (left) wrist.  This cord is a reminder that there is a connection between the circle of attendees and to hold on through the pregnancy.  During birth, this cord is cut from each person’s wrists as a ceremonial ritual of release – release of fears, which can manifest during labor, and that it is time to open and birth.

According to the “Ask The Rabbi” column on the Ohr Somayach, Jerusalem website:

Wearing a thin scarlet or crimson string as a type of talisman is a folk custom among Jews as a way to ward off misfortune brought about by the “evil eye”. The tradition is popularly thought to be associated with Judaism’s Kabbalah.

The red string itself is usually made from thin scarlet wool thread. It is worn as a bracelet or band on the left wrist of the wearer (understood in some Kabbalistic theory as the receiving side of the spiritual body), knotted seven times, and then sanctified with Hebrew blessings.

A custom that is based on Torah ideas or mitzvoth may also have special segula properties on a smaller scale. Regarding the red string, the custom is to tie a long red thread around the burial site of Rachel, the wife of Jacob. Rachel selflessly agreed that her sister marry Jacob first to spare Leah shame and embarrassment. Later, Rachel willingly returned her soul to God on the lonely way to Beit Lechem, in order to pray there for the desperate Jews that would pass by on their way to exile and captivity. Often, one acquires the red string when giving charity.

Perhaps for these reasons the red thread is considered a protective segula. It recalls the great merit of our matriarch Rachel, reminding us to emulate her modest ways of consideration, compassion, and selflessness for the benefit of others, while simultaneously giving charity to the poor and needy. It follows that this internal reflection that inspires good deeds, more than the string itself, would protect one from evil and harm.

Cutting the cords during the subsequent labor and birth, marking the release.

Photo belongs to the amazing Canary Lane Photography Studio and SBD doula student.

  • Consider taking photographs of the celebration, to send to the mother, to remember her special celebration and fellowship.
  • The celebration might close in a prayer over the ladies present and families represented, and over the meal that is to follow.
  • The meal should consist of one item brought by each guest.  Leftovers should be given to the mother to take home.

The focus of this celebration is to honor her as mom, to share feelings, and to encourage and uplift one another.  The tone should be kept inspirational, validating and loving.  You might invite a local SBD doula or Heidi Faith to help coordinate or guide your event.

 

Related: Mother’s Workshop    Related: Mother Roasting

Related: Stillbirthday Sacred Circles

Related: Heidi Faith’s Workshop page on Facebook

A place specifically about our workshops & Sacred Circles.

Photo belongs to the amazing Canary Lane Photography Studio and SBD doula student.

The SBD® Doula provides support to families experiencing birth in any trimester and in any outcome.

Here at stillbirthday.info, you can learn about the SBD® Doula.