Funeral Information // The SBD® Doula

(go back to Cemetary Burial resources)

You should know:

About Caskets:

Some funeral homes do not accomodate separate pricing or plots for full term infants, or for pregnancy loss infants.
Some funeral homes will require a police officer to visit your home to ask you if your pregnancy loss occured because of domestic violence or other reasons.
Some funeral homes have a casket/vault combination in infant size, which may be more affordable.
Some funeral homes will not allow you to purchase a casket from any company other than theirs. Heaven’s Gain , Trappist Caskets, and Elizabeth Ministry are a few online businesses that do sell infant caskets. Check with your funeral home before purchasing.
Some funeral homes only have cremation available for infants.
If your baby is going to be cremated through your hospital and you have permission to recieve the ashes, ask if your baby can be cremated separately than other babies not alive at that hospital.
It is important to look into more than one funeral home for these reasons.

About Clothing:

HAIN also may have infant caskets, as well as clothing, as does Elizabeth Ministry.
I am Blessed sells burial clothing and provides financial assistance for cremation urns.
Other resources for infant burial clothing include: MaryMadeline Project and Something Precious and Cheeky Chums.
Your local immediate support might include infant clothing items, such as Legacy Swaddle “angel gowns”.
More bereavement resources are expanding to include infant clothing or blankets all the time, including Sufficient Grace Ministries and Miscarriage Blankets.

About Financial Assistance:

The following may offer a very limited amount of financial assistance for headstones for babies generally 20 gestational weeks and older, on an application basis.

There may be an organization that support you locally rather than nationally or globally.

Please also visit:

SBD Team Support to be directed to both immediate at-birth support as well as long term healing support resources based on location.
Farewell Celebrations to link into immediate funeral/burial/cremation information that is not based on location, as well as personalized farewell options such as crafts or special events, and support resources.
Our Unofficial Burial options page {private burial} including Green Burial options by location

About Funeral Homes & Cremation Options:

What resources the hospital recommends, and why.
What resources your SBD doula may know of or prefer and why.
Local crematoriums or Cremation Society’s often offer infant cremation at-cost.

About Pricing:

Cemetery and Funeral pricings are different, so you may have to sort through a list of services and fees that come together under one contract.
The Wilbert casket/vault Loved and Cherished might be the most affordable option, if available.
Inquire if the cemetery has an Infant Garden and/or spacing for infant burial due to enrochments that offer infant spacing in other areas of the cemetery.
What the decorations and removal policy is.

List of Services may include:

Mom will sign a “Release to Receive” at hospital, which is the agreement that the funeral home will receive the baby’s physical form after the family has spent time bonding with their baby and agrees it is time for the baby to be given to the hospital morgue or to the funeral home.
“Removal” – this means a representative from the funeral home will receive the baby from the hospital morgue and transport the baby to the funeral home. There are options for this process. The family may hand their baby to the nurse or to the funeral home representative for this receiving and transporting. This will depend on the schedules between the mom and the funeral home.
There is a funeral home portion of the fee. “Removal” is part of that, and embalming or presentation may be included.
Cemetery pricing includes:
container (casket/vault)
graveside setup (canopy/chairs)
endowment care (grass)
space/lot

These fees may equal to approximately $3,000.

Life Insurance:

The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs has extended Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance dependent coverage to an insured member’s stillborn child.

Life Insurance may be able to be a part of the financial agreement, but it is really contingent on very specific things.

Life insurance, if used, is more likely used in older child death rather than infant death. The situation that would include infant death might be one where a grandparent to the baby has a life insurance policy for their grandchild, and their grandbaby not alive is certainly their grandchild. Moving forward with life insurance to cover also includes these parameters. The Life Insurance must:

have a rider – that is where the grandparent situation above might apply.
be assignable – so that the insurance company can pay the funeral home directly.
be uncontestable – the policy must be 2 years or older.
have no loans against it.
the beneficiary must sign over the rights to the funeral home.
there may be a time frame of 60 days or less where remaining payment is due, otherwise additional fees may accrue.
there may be an insurance processing fee included.

When you decide on a funeral home and cemetary:

A representative from the funeral home may transport your baby there. If your baby was born via miscarriage, and you are planning on having an official burial (at a cemetary) you will probably have the choice to transport your baby’s physical form to the funeral home instead if you’d like. If you have given birth to your baby at a hospital, a representative from the funeral home may go to the hospital to get your baby and bring him or her back to the funeral home.
If you have a miscarried baby, you might place his or her body in a ziplock bag or small tupperware container. Do not reopen this container. Then, place this container inside a more personal and special container. You might keep this container cooled, in your refridgerator, garage, shed or basement, depending on what you are most comfortable with.
If you have a stillborn baby, you will be allowed to select his or her outfit. This is usually the outfit brought to the hospital at the time of the birth, but if there are any changes to this, you should talk to your funeral home director for more information. There can be more than one outfit – you might dress your baby in a welcoming outfit or blanket, and then later a different outfit might be chosen for transportation and burial or cremation.

Visitation Information:

The funeral home will discuss this with you, but you may have the option of having a visitation in addition to a funeral, and you may decide on having both on the same day or on two different days.

Funeral Information:

Planning a funeral for your baby will be emotionally difficult. You will need to decide who to invite, including if you’d like a pastor present or not, and you will need to decide what will be said or done to honor your baby. You will probably be allowed to place a small teddy bear, blanket, photo or letter in your baby’s casket.

Here is a list of other ideas that might be of support for you:

Burial Information:

Generally, you will have a representative from the funeral home present during the funeral. The grave will already be dug and may be covered with a mat during the service. Immediately after the service, representatives from the funeral home will lower your baby’s casket. Any flowers that are brought for the funeral may be layed over the gravesite.

If you’d like, you might ask:

If you can help open, or dig, the ground where the casket will be laid.
If you can lower your baby’s casket into the earth.
If you can sprinkle the first dirt atop the casket.

Headstone Information:

The funeral home may or may not not permit you to purchase a headstone from any other company than through them.
The headstone you select from the funeral home usually comes with a guarantee of being repaired at any time it is damaged (which can be why it may be very expensive).
You do not need to purchase the headstone right away. You can purchase it at a later time.

Cremation Information:

Special cremation urns can be used in many ways. You can use a cremation urn to collect:
dried flowers or a bit of soil or sand from a special location
cremated remains of your baby’s placenta
ashes from an Aya Despacho or from blood collected during your labor
ashes or dust from any other personalized farewell celebration
dried milk as a personal symbol

Urns:

Jewelry Urns are listed in our jewelry section
Selecting the right urn can be a challenging process. You’ll want the right size, and the right style. A special jewelry box or trinket box might be chosen. You can speak with your local funeral homes or crematoriums for information about sealing your special box.

Here are some choices:

Cremation Keepsakes:

Jewelry Urns are listed in our jewelry section
Eternity Crystal (glass bowls and more)

About Travel/Repatriation:

You may need a transport permit if transporting the physical form of your baby across state lines in vehicle and before cremation. Similarly, you may need a cremation certificate before traveling with cremated ashes.
Most airlines offer “bereavement fares” or different rates and policies that are worth asking about.
Eagle’s Wings is a special airline, but their services are select and you’ll need to connect with them to have a good understanding of their services and ways they might connect with additional resources for you.