Introduction

Hi friend.  My name is Heidi Faith.

As I travel this path of life, I am blessed to have four, beautiful children; three handsome, jovial, kindhearted, strong boys that are here in my sight, and the youngest, just beyond my view, is right up ahead, with Jesus.

To learn a little about my personal experience, please visit my story of miscarriage.

As parents, we want each of our children to change the world.  We want them to impact it somehow; we want them to be remembered.  We want them to be heroes.

This is what I have also come to know from every single pregnancy loss story I have read, every single website I have visited, and every single book I have found.  As parents of children who have died, we each, quite simply, want the world to notice them.  To know them.  To value them, like we do.

This website is here because of my fourth child.  In his tiny little life, he has changed the world.

This website marks a beginning–a new place to offer resources, inspiration, and hope.

But, it’s also a place of ending.

I am no longer straining, planning, aching, preparing, gestating and laboring over this site.  I have “birthed” this place, have presented it to the world, and now, I can step forward, carrying this light for my own heart.

As I begin to step forward in my journey, I pray that while you are here at stillbirthday.info,  you find comfort, I pray you find healing, I pray you find God.

Credits:

There is no way I could have built this website alone.

First, I need to thank my family, for patiently waiting as I have sorted through feelings, scoured scripture to answer my confused and broken heart, poured over hundreds of emails from different mothers sharing their experiences, and meditating on God’s truths until I knew for certain what the next step in this path would be.  My courageous, heroic, intuitive, darling husband–the pain he feels at losing his baby has never superseded his compassion and counseling for my own broken spirit.  My seven year old, popping a sippy cup in his grumpy little brother’s lap while I finished plugging in “just one more sentence” in an email, may he know that God saw his patience and his love, and that his efforts to console his cranky brother while both parents were busy actually manifested itself into the reality of this website, and into the reality of the blessing it will be to so many mothers.  And, of course, I wouldn’t have built this website without the very real, sacrificial life of my darling baby.  I would trade every blessing from this site in just to have him back, but alas, God can see further across the horizon than I can.

My church pastors have supported and continue to support us through our journey.  Our sweet, precious women’s pastor, Carol Harrup, arrived at my home a short time before our baby was born, brought a meal, read scripture, and prayed over us.  Just a few minutes after she left our home, our precious baby was born.  I am thankful also to Nathan Scott, for answering questions that had everything to do with God, but included understandably awkward words like “uterus”.

My church family and other friends sent cards, brought meals, gave me hugs, and cried with me.  I am forever grateful for the simple ministry of just saying “I’m sorry”.

Kathy Disney took my call very early, the morning of our baby’s funeral.  I was previously told that photographers don’t offer free services for babies younger than 24 weeks gestation.  Bless her gentle, compassionate spirit, for coming to our simple little funeral, capturing the love we desperately ached to demonstrate over our departed baby, and for giving me the permission to use her photos for this site.  I brought the plain, angel food cake and the zero candle to the funeral.  The cashier at the grocery store where I purchased it that morning thought it was a joke and chuckled, “Somebody isn’t very old!”. The trademark lit candle is Kathy’s photograph.

KC Community News ran my original miscarriage story in two pieces, so that it would have double the readership.  Bless Amy for her kind spirit.

Family Life Radio allowed me to share my story on the air.

Matushka Anna realized that I had a very similar vision as hers, and kindly and generously shared her website with me.  She is an amazingly talented woman who dearly and proudly loves her precious Innocent.  Her perspective is inspiring.  She and many other mothers who’ve loaned their creative inspiration helped shape this site.

Bg&Co Birthing Company in New York generously donated a designer gown, as a giveaway to encourage doulas to see their very important role in providing care to pregnancy loss families.

Dawn Gilner generously donated her book “I Miss His Everything” as a giveaway incentive, to bless the very first mothers who were brave in sharing their stories here at this site, so that the mothers who come after them know that they are not alone.

So many pregnancy and infant loss mothers have become special friends through sharing their stories with me.  The emails, the online messages, the chats.  Bambi, Liz, Marla, Christina, Julie, Anna, Lisa, Jenny…and so many others.  You have become darling friends.  Annamarie, Dawn, and others, have generously donated money and useful materials toward the future updated version of this site.

I am thankful to my original blog readers and Facebook friends, for their comments, prayers, and their patience as I typed out my feelings.

I am very thankful to the different companies that sent me different memorable items.  I will link to them in the resources section of this site, but would especially like to thank Ron Lawhead, the owner of HeBrews Coffee, for working so generously toward the cause of someday improving and updating this site.

And, of course, I couldn’t have done any of this without God.  He has protected my heart, showing me His truths, and mercifully forgiven me for being so angry with Him.  He has protected my anger from festering into violence or rage, He has protected my sadness from festering into deep depression or despair, He has protected my love for my other children from turning into guilt over my grief, and He has protected my simple confusion at the loss of my child from turning into suspicion or doubt of His divine and ultimately perfect plan.

Finally, I thank you too, for being here.  If you have endured loss as well, I am so sorry for the death, so sorry for the darker parts of the journey.  It is my hope that warmth shine into your spirit and that you encounter truly divine love.  We come from all faiths and experiences here, but I literally hold my hand to my computer screen and pray that by the power of the Holy Spirit each and every person who finds this place knows that they are loved, that they are beautiful for the endurance, that the frantic grasping for sanity and the chaotic unravelling of life can both be terrifying, but that you are absolutely magnificent for the courage it takes to breathe into your soul when you have begged, desperately, for your own beloved baby just to take a breath.  I pray you know you are a treasure.  That your baby left you a legacy of love, that you are the ambassador of this gift.  May you receive this gift of pure love into your own heart, and, may you learn to share it with others.  You are worthy.